Trying to...eat two tangerines

Photo by Reuben on Unsplash

I turned 40 last month.

A boozy Soho lunch ensued as did two nights away with my husband. Alas no dancing yet - but I live in hope of that when better health arrives and the energy levels of my knackered mates resume. Perfecting the art of deferred gratification continues - something I have been thinking about a lot lately as I travel around the UK talking to people about the ideas in my new book: Maternity Service: A Love Letter to Mothers From the Front Line of Maternity Leave. (I would love your take on this).

But at the same time of my new decade, a process began that I have noticed happening more and more: unlearning.

The older I become, the less I feel I know about certain things. And the comfortableness I feel with that is surprising.

Of course I have a bedrock of knowledge I never had when I was younger that comes with age and major experiences such as parenting. And I am also, wherever I can, seeking to learn new things - such as my forthcoming roller-skating class. Eeek. Wish me luck - I finally booked it.

But I am talking about something else. And it started when a wonderful French friend of mine, a fellow Emma, blew my mind the other day when she told me I could have another tangerine. She was having one and asked if I fancied one too and I replied: “Oh I have had one already.” And she laughed and said: “You are allowed another. You can eat two in a day.”

Mind, Blown. Of course you can have more than one tangerine. Like you can an apple or a pear. But I don’t and never have.

Somewhere along the line I picked this up as if it was law. Just like I always think you must tie your hair up when you work-out and have a headband on to avoid any hair in the eyes. Always. Or that one mustn’t wear jewellery in the pool or the sauna or steam. Women have their hair down at my gym and wear all of their jewels when swimming or in and around a pool.

Parenting has challenged nearly all of my norms and forced me to relax in brilliant ways - despite not being a particularly uptight person. It’s also made me more organised than I ever wanted to be. Weekly shops are always done and schedules aligned. I thrive on being last minute. But it has also made me double down on certain things which are my red lines - such as phones never being on tables. Never.

But what I think it has also done, and whatever else has happened to me over the last decade, is allowed me to start over. While this is discombobulating in many ways - it’s also interesting. And letting me see all the things I thought were set, are not. And just because something was, doesn’t mean it has to be anymore.

I have stopped regularly eating chips and having manicures - two of my great loves and constants. The former is bad for a body that can’t cope with inflammation and the latter, while so pretty, is a waste of time and I can no longer bear the upkeep. A 30 year old me could not imagine these things.

Unlearning and undoing.

How about you?