We have been through a period of saying no.
Or opting out. The Covid lockdowns made it so. Then there was a big period of saying yes as we unlocked the galleries, cinemas and clubs - and now, with the economic climate and the nights drawing in, it’s tempting to say no again. Or secretly rejoice if a friend cancels a night out.
I hate cancelling plans and rarely do it. And yet some pains in the stomach this week and a trip to the hospital to check all was ok, meant I had to.
Thankfully all was well.
We all have things in life that mean we go through times of saying no to invitations or not looking for the opportunities. Anything can do it; revising for an exam; being slammed at work; training for a physical challenge; poor health or in my recent case, taking gruelling fertility meds, that can zap any extra energy around work and general life duties.
There is also the perverse phenomenon of thinking ourselves out of things; activities that we would enjoy if we actually went.
In the last 10 days I have attended my first proper gong bath; visited a random house with a piano going spare and hosted people I didn’t know very well for dinner to celebrate Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year.
It’s got a bit random. Deliberately so.
My nickname at school by one friend was embarrassingly and brilliantly Commitment Carol, (thanks Katie), on account of my enjoyment of school clubs and activities. Anything but the studying.
Such enthusiasm for the extra curricular did not dim as I went to university and joined the uni paper and the theatre society. Anything but the politics course.
And then to London, where life drawing, boxing and well, eating, beckoned.
I have always enjoyed a full social calendar. Hence why I struggled in certain ways when the world closed during Covid. I wasn’t relishing staying at home and pottering. Every. Single. Day. I was grateful to go to work, even if to walk along the totally empty central streets of London to the BBC was eerie.
And while I know I was fortunate to still have a job and not live alone or with people I loathed in a very small space - I missed the usual things in the diary but also, I now realise, the more serendipitous.
Hobbies and our dedication to them will ebb and flow throughout life - depending on the amount of time, resource - money and energy - and interest we have. The need will expand and shrink.
But I am more interested in the trying of the random. Things we may only do once or have never done before. The new people to talk to and invite to something; anything.
Reading that email which offers something unusual in a dead man’s house and actually replying.
While many things have resumed post-Covid lockdowns - I am not sure our randomness and appetite for the less-known has.
It blows my mind that you can really do anything with your own time. Anything at all. Even if it’s a small amount of time.
Planning fun is the least amount of fun - but often is a necessary ill to access a new experience.
But the more unusual or random also requires some thought and the ability to say yes. Mostly to yourself.
I didn’t love the gong bath and fell asleep for some of it.
I probably won’t take the piano but the jury is still out.
And a further meet-up is being planned with the lovely people we didn’t know so well.
The results are not always positive but then that is not really the point.
Last month for £12 I bought a key to a random semi public garden near our house . I had read about this mysterious place in a book over the summer; mentally noted it, added it to my long to-do list and emailed the society running it.
To be candid - the secluded green space is also not quite what I thought. But finding it and having the large key posted to me was part of the joy. Living less predictably and saying yes. Or rather, why not?
Life is random. People are random. Bloody random. Just watch How to Make Small Talk with John Wilson on the BBC if you don’t believe me - and let yourself laugh at the footage of individuals he has collected across New York City.
I am forever making lists of new places, ripping tips out of newspapers and taking advice from people on things to do and see. It sounds a lot and sometimes it is. But it adds up to a life; to a set of experiences I didn’t know how to have before someone whispered something new.
I got out of the practice of randomness for two years. Lockdown and rounds of IVF have played their part. But I can’t fully blame them for me not resuming normal play.
Now I’m trying to get back in.
Just because you can do anything, don’t end up doing nothing, eh?
Shana Tova Emma. My husband is always looking at new places to go and see and loves going on long walks which we do together a lot.
We are starting treatment again in 2 week. We hoping it's our turn for happiness.
I am the queen of randomness - always ready to follow an unplanned path much to the despair of family ! And it often leads me unexpected delights and discoveries - long may these possibilities last🥳