Loved this. I had a fabulous (female, American) boss who gave me a gorgeous piece of advice in my early 30s that I cherish 20 years later like a piece of fabulously expensive cashmere in these snuggly months (rather than opt for the cheap blanket). Beware the unintended consequences before you jump into something. You don’t know what you don’t know. Find out what you don’t know. Then decide.
They should call it “Nora living”. All I see is a self imposed “Dolls House” where women are actually choosing to put themselves in a gilded cage of subordination through dependency. It truly fills me with horror. In the words of Dorothy Parker “what fresh hell is this?”
A soft life is so tempting…. But a psychologically rich life, with all its ups and downs is so much, well, richer, deeper, better. Speaking as a 72 year old who keeps on keeping on.
Not sure I like the sound of this trend. Where do you acquire resilience, experience, friendship? And where is the passion for living and life? It smells of depression, isolation and desperation to me. Not something to celebrate. But birthdays are!
Really good piece - if you stop getting out there you lose all your muscles for getting out there and then even small things start becoming difficult. A self-building, continuously building cage.
Yes, all of this, plus there are no unemployment benefits if you get abruptly “fired” and, for Americans, no retirement plan for being a stay-at-home girlfriend.
Yes yes Emma, well said..and although it is pretty nice to flit about the house humming a merry tune, it’s only as nice as we are internally capable of making it. Gilded cages are cages. Vim is one of my favourite words, thank you for breaking it out of the ice today. Contrast is all - cocoons are only not creepy because they hold butterflies 🦋
I understand them, honestly. I am able to do this from time to time - stop working - for my physical and mental health and I am really thankful for it. It's all thanks to my husband, whom I trust deeply. I think it depends on the relationship you have with your partner. Mine does not like seeing me stressed and depressed and is happy to help me. But you need to be with someone who is really trustworthy and reliable, of course. I think these times in life when you rely on the other person can also be oppotunities to strengthen the relationship and build something solid together, whether there are kids or not. You can also explore different lifestyles and think about maybe a different way to raise a family. Like many young couples are doing : they can end up leaving the city to be able to live on one income, or decide even to both work part-time to be able to raise their kids themselves... People of this generation are looking for better ways to live generally, and that's very positive. It's also a sign of trust in the opposite sex, which is really beautiful and makes me hopeful for the future. Also, it is a positive thing that young women realize their health is important, as women have always worked too much and sacrificed themselves for others to an unealthy degree. Just my opinion...
When I retired 3 years earlier than my work-loving wife, I happily became a ‘Soft Lad’. Loved it. She went out, I stayed home, cooking, cleaning, going to the gym, walking the dog…
Loved this (as I do all your writing). I was thinking about this topic quite a bit when the so-called 'lazy girl' trend emerged a couple of years ago as it troubled me at the time. It got me thinking about how there has to be a middle ground, where women can still progress, achieve great things, be productive and contribute to society and economy etc but not to the detriment of their health and others. I coined the phrase 'kind productivity' at the time and wrote this short article on the idea. Would love to know what you think! https://lauratan.substack.com/p/why-ill-never-be-a-lazygirl-but-being
I love this (and all your articles actually). I wrote a similar piece a while back in response to the so-called 'lazy girl' trend that was going around and in it, I made the case for something I termed 'kind productivity' - which in my attempt to find a balance of still being productive and making progress but with a bit more self-care and kindness. Would love to know what you think.
Please, think very carefully about opting for a 'soft life'. Challenge yourself to do something you're slightly scared off and do it. You might just surprise yourself!
Loved this. I had a fabulous (female, American) boss who gave me a gorgeous piece of advice in my early 30s that I cherish 20 years later like a piece of fabulously expensive cashmere in these snuggly months (rather than opt for the cheap blanket). Beware the unintended consequences before you jump into something. You don’t know what you don’t know. Find out what you don’t know. Then decide.
They should call it “Nora living”. All I see is a self imposed “Dolls House” where women are actually choosing to put themselves in a gilded cage of subordination through dependency. It truly fills me with horror. In the words of Dorothy Parker “what fresh hell is this?”
Subordination through dependency- perfectly put
A soft life is so tempting…. But a psychologically rich life, with all its ups and downs is so much, well, richer, deeper, better. Speaking as a 72 year old who keeps on keeping on.
Not sure I like the sound of this trend. Where do you acquire resilience, experience, friendship? And where is the passion for living and life? It smells of depression, isolation and desperation to me. Not something to celebrate. But birthdays are!
Really good piece - if you stop getting out there you lose all your muscles for getting out there and then even small things start becoming difficult. A self-building, continuously building cage.
Yes, all of this, plus there are no unemployment benefits if you get abruptly “fired” and, for Americans, no retirement plan for being a stay-at-home girlfriend.
Yes yes Emma, well said..and although it is pretty nice to flit about the house humming a merry tune, it’s only as nice as we are internally capable of making it. Gilded cages are cages. Vim is one of my favourite words, thank you for breaking it out of the ice today. Contrast is all - cocoons are only not creepy because they hold butterflies 🦋
I understand them, honestly. I am able to do this from time to time - stop working - for my physical and mental health and I am really thankful for it. It's all thanks to my husband, whom I trust deeply. I think it depends on the relationship you have with your partner. Mine does not like seeing me stressed and depressed and is happy to help me. But you need to be with someone who is really trustworthy and reliable, of course. I think these times in life when you rely on the other person can also be oppotunities to strengthen the relationship and build something solid together, whether there are kids or not. You can also explore different lifestyles and think about maybe a different way to raise a family. Like many young couples are doing : they can end up leaving the city to be able to live on one income, or decide even to both work part-time to be able to raise their kids themselves... People of this generation are looking for better ways to live generally, and that's very positive. It's also a sign of trust in the opposite sex, which is really beautiful and makes me hopeful for the future. Also, it is a positive thing that young women realize their health is important, as women have always worked too much and sacrificed themselves for others to an unealthy degree. Just my opinion...
Very well said, Emma. And happy 40th! 🎂🍾
A brilliant, thought provoking piece. Yes a soft life sounds tempting but oh the joy of the independence that earning your own money gives you.
Happy Birthday Emma🎂🍾
Later this year I'll mark my 60th year on this planet. What are these people thinking of? Perhaps they mean "soft" as in "daft".
Yep: "A cold metal trap trussed up in a sumptuous velvet glove".
Oh, and Happy Birthday, Emma.
When I retired 3 years earlier than my work-loving wife, I happily became a ‘Soft Lad’. Loved it. She went out, I stayed home, cooking, cleaning, going to the gym, walking the dog…
Only fair the lasses have the option too surely?
I could comment properly on this post or I could say Happy Birthday Emma! Soft option.
Loved this (as I do all your writing). I was thinking about this topic quite a bit when the so-called 'lazy girl' trend emerged a couple of years ago as it troubled me at the time. It got me thinking about how there has to be a middle ground, where women can still progress, achieve great things, be productive and contribute to society and economy etc but not to the detriment of their health and others. I coined the phrase 'kind productivity' at the time and wrote this short article on the idea. Would love to know what you think! https://lauratan.substack.com/p/why-ill-never-be-a-lazygirl-but-being
I love this (and all your articles actually). I wrote a similar piece a while back in response to the so-called 'lazy girl' trend that was going around and in it, I made the case for something I termed 'kind productivity' - which in my attempt to find a balance of still being productive and making progress but with a bit more self-care and kindness. Would love to know what you think.
https://lauratan.substack.com/p/why-ill-never-be-a-lazygirl-but-being?r=1qo1gj&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&triedRedirect=true
Just to complete what I was saying!
Please, think very carefully about opting for a 'soft life'. Challenge yourself to do something you're slightly scared off and do it. You might just surprise yourself!